i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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