The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
