Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
