Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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