so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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