i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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