I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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