porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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