i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Houston, we have a blender
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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