Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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