Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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