That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
