Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
