I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
