Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my being single is dangerous.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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