Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
