I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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