Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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