The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
