you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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