Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
