**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
