Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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