mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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