I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
