Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
