i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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