apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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