The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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