My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
