She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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