The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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