I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
