bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
