There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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