I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
