Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
