My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
