I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
