Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
