Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
