My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
