it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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