She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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