He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
