actually, I'm a sock model
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
