I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
