Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
