what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
