I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
